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A guy swallowed a few Meccano pieces and built a stool.
Another guy swallowed a billiard ball. He rushed to the doctor's and demanded immediate attention. The doctor said " sorry mate, we are very busy, you will have to go to the end of the queue."
Before you all groan, they are not mine and I heard them on the ABC this morning.
Hehe.
Have you heard about the poor, harried guy and the monkey he inherited?
The monkey was a handful; disobedient, mischievous and... well... a typical monkey. It was costing the guy a small fortune in damages, everywhere he went.
Recently evicted from his flat - for obvious reasons - he was wandering dispiritedly down main street when he saw a pub and decided a beer may ease the pain. As he sat at the bar, the monkey runs up to the tip jar, up-ends it and swallows all the coins.
Before the bartender can say anything, the man rolls his eyes, hands him a $50 note and says "A beer please. Keep the change."
The bartender looks at the monkey, then the note, shrugs and pours a beer.
While the man sips at his beer, the monkey runs up to the Nobbys Nuts display, rips open half-a-dozen bags and gulps down the peanuts.
Another $50 appears on the counter, along with a now empty glass.
The bar-tender refills the glass, one eye on the monkey and puts the note in the till. No change. The man sighs, picks up the beer and takes a sip.
By now, the monkey has found the pool table and swallowed the cue chalks.
The man stands, lays another $50 on the counter and heads towards the door, the monkey following behind. The monkey turns, glares at the bar-tender, giving him a toothy simian grin before finally swallowing a cue-ball and scampering out the door.
A few days later, the same man walks into the same bar, followed by the same monkey.
Going up to the bar the man lays $50 on the counter, the bartender rolls his eyes and pours a beer while keeping an eye on the monkey as it runs up to the tip jar, tips it over and then starts shoving each coin up it's butt.
The bar-tender, surprised, watches as the monkey then runs over to the Nobbys Nuts display, rips open half-a-dozen packets and then starts cramming the peanuts up it's butt.
Another fifty dollars on the counter, another refill and the bar-tender stares in fascination as the monkey runs over to the pool table and pushes the cue chalks... you guessed it... up it's butt.
Before the man finishes his 2nd beer the bar-tender blurts out "I gotta know! What's with the monkey? Last week it just ate everything. Now it's jamming them where the sun don't shine?"
The man grins. "I know. But after that cue-ball, now it checks everything for fit..."
Hey Rodg' instead of groaning tell us a joke.