Murder at Aldi

Murder at Aldi

Constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife, with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.

A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with a nefarious, dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of "Artie"!

Arti explained to the husband that his going price for THE snuffing out of a spouse was $25,000.00.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.

But Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying a single one dollar coin that rested inside.

Artie sighed, rolled his eyes and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Aldi Supermarket. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled upon the murder scene unexpectedly.

Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the shop's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the premises.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.


The next day in the newspaper, (hope you're in a good humour right now) the headline declared :

(You won't appreciate this one little bit . . .)








"ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ ALDI"

I reckon you should get life for that one....... there just ain't enough groan buttons in the world

An Aldi, with a new name, but still a goodie.
Kryn

It's a long way to Tipperary.

So what happened in the end?

They all lived happily ever after, Wongo. Aldi got a lot of publicity ( any publicity is good publicity), a new produce manager, the insurance company didn't have to pay out, and Artie and the husband got 3 square meals a day for the next couple of years before they get paroled, TV and a library, got to work in a nice workshop , great company of fellow inmates, daily workout in a gym and get lots of free counselling if the stress of it all got too much, plus free health benefits and a great free medical scheme. And the husband got out of his unhappy marriage.
The police are happy, they got the collar, so promotions will be in order, and all the lawyers are happy with payment for the case and the appeal.

AND

SWMBO (Who has no sense of humor) thought that it was funny and she hates Aldi.