Names and Growing Up

Times have changed I guess.

If my mother ever heard me call an adult by their first name and not Mr, Mrs, or Miss my mouth would be washed out with soap. There were a couple of Scout leaders that insisted that we call them by their first names. That never sat well with my parents. My observation was those were fun people.

When SWMBO and I moved into the current neighborhood we insisted that the neighborhood kids call us by our first names. A parent objected and got in my face about it. I told her that I would call her by what ever name she desired but "My name is Rich and my father's name was Mister". She was exceptionally irritated, we never really got along before or after that but she moved in less than a year so it didn't matter.

In the 10 years before I retired and shortly after retirement I took a few college classes. On the first day of class the Prof always asks, "Any Questions?" I would always ask, "What do you want us to call you?" All answered to call them by their first name. There was one exception and he added, "For every time you call me Mr. or Prof, I will lower your grade by one letter." Point made.

I think that when the kids call the adults by their first names it creates a level of equality and trust. Both SWMBO and I have had neighborhood kids come to us with some very serious issues. The worst was an underage, unlicensed but a designated driver in a car crash that she was driving. In both cases it was talk to your parents, they aren't going to kill you. In both cases the parents came by later and thanked us for sending their kid in the right direction.

Even with relatives, by the time their kids are in fifth or sixth year we try to avoid the "A" and "U" words.

Is what SWMBO and I do, correct for everyone? Of course not! But everyone has to do what they are comfortable with.

Unctuous name honorifics don't convey respect unless they are used unenforced.

Anyone can use a first name without disrespect, or Mister/Sir/Sama/Lord and have mighty disrespect.

If the kids came to you in a time of need, this tells you everything you need to know about the respect they feel.

An enforced "Mister" only conveys a false sense of classism. I'd say your neighbours chagrin came from her inner sense of inferiority.

It's strange, I still call my dad's side of the family auntie # and uncle # but mums side are just first names....
Maybe it's to do with the generation as dads family are in their 70's and 80's now (he was a 'surprise' he tells me) where mums side are 50's and 60's

I teach our young fellow (18 months old -so he just mumbled a anyway) Mr and Mrs as I find it respectful, but I certainly would begrudge someone who wished to be called by their first name

It's also a cultural thing; in many Asian countries, everyone of your parents' generation is Auntie and Uncle whether you know them or not.

In Eastern Europe I am designated an Uncle to younger cousins.

When I initially signed on to a wood turning club I was the second youngest member. They all introduced them selves by there first name. I do the same when new members come into the club.

I went to high school in the 70's. All the teachers were addressed as Mr, Mrs or Miss.
One of them became the principle of my children's school. While they used her first name, to me she was still Mrs. Habits die hard, but it is also respect.

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Originally Posted by Handyjack

I went to high school in the 70's. All the teachers were addressed as Mr, Mrs or Miss.

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Different school to what I went to, students were called any name under the sun, Most unprintable here) school prefects and teachers were treated accordingly.
My most hated teacher messed himself one day when sitting in 2nd storey class room overlooking car park it was asked by yours truly esquire whats the problem with your car?
Nothing...why?
Well its on a tow truck just leaving the car park. he he he my dad owned the tow truck and no sign writing on it.
Teach you to get sh***y with me sur!

Tony, HYSTERICAL!

I had to attend an IBM class of 2 weeks in Dallas. One of the instructors had the "T" tops stolen out of his Corvette, three times. This instructor had been giving me a bad time, a bit good naturedly but still a bad time. The morning before we were all set to rush off to the airport to go home, I'm standing in the classroom looking out the window. It's almost time to leave and I say in a loud voice, "Hey! Leave those "T" tops alone." The instructor knocked over his chair in a rush to get to the window to look out. Of course when he looked out he realized that he had been had. The rest of the class was laughing. He says, "I haven't mailed out the completion certificates yet."

I'm a 50's baby and all adults were Mr, Mrs, Miss. My soccer coaches were Mr and the managers (usually the wife) were Mrs. It was a rite of passage when an adult "asked" you to call them by their first name. I remember well the first time I was asked to call an elder by his first name. I don't know if the world is a better place with the relaxing of these social mores. We taught my kids to call adults Mr & Mrs. My recently married daughter asked her mother if she should address the thank you note to our long time neighbours by their first name or the honourifics. We told her Bob & Heather will be fine.

TT

My first employer when I left school in the mid 60's was Mr Ensor and remained Mr Ensor for the two and a half years that I was there. I was employed on a merino stud farm when I came to Australia and became head stockman. I called the boss by his name Jim, his wife was Mrs S.. but when we had ram buyers or scientists etc on the place I would always refer to him by Mr S... He didn't ask me to do that and I really don't know why I did but it seemed the right thing to do.
Geoff.

I am a compulsive reader, always have been and at school it had some amusing side effects at times. Two really stand out, we were on assembly one day and I looked up from my book and found that everyone had left me standing in the middle of the playground and there was my teacher patiently watching to see how long it took me to wake up and realise what had happened. The second incident concerned a new teacher to the school, I had finished an exam and was reading my book when this bloke lit up like a fire cracker and wanted to know why I was reading a book so I told him I was finished the exam and what else was I going to do if not read. He ripped the book out of my hand and threw it out the nearest window which was two stories high and it was a big book so the impact didn't do it much good. The teacher was not impressed when I asked him how I was going to explain what had happened to the school librarian and how he had wrecked the book!

I have grandkids & step grandkids in a mixed family, they have multiple grandparents so I am Grandpa Cliff.

A few years ago my lady friends grand kids were visiting, two girls one 15 one 14. every time they wanted to ask me something it was ' hey ".
After a couple of hours I had had enough, I said to them " you have two choices, you either call me Mr S----- or Fred.
I've been Fred ever since.

I got a clip round the ear for asking my Grandmother her age. I now know a lot more about her and my ancestors through Ancestry.com.



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