Warning about depression - please read

They say suicide is painless....... but not to those left behind.

I was first at the scene on Sunday 14 August after my wife's uncle found his beautiful 33yr old daughter in her car - she had gassed herself. Bloody miserable. The pain this causes is immeasurable, and the ripples are wide; so many people are devastated.

This post is not to be a downer, just to say that if you know if someone who is a bit depressed, or showing classic signs of mental illness - watch closely, and try to somehow find out how they really feel. Two sisters tried in this case to make appointments etc and were pushed away. Apparently there may have been an earlier attempt that wasn't revealed (by the boyfriend). Don't think it won't happen - it just might.

If you are contemplating it - please get help. You would be so cruel on your loved ones. It is a desolate feeling that if only she had talked to one of us for a few minutes, she'd still be here, and that we've failed her. Maybe just a special hug, a kind word, a wee present would have got her through. Who knows?

Very, very sad story, Kiwi. Maybe we need more public education to spot the signs of depression before it gets serious, and how to respond. Maybe you could post some links to good info as a contribution.

Some friends' kids went through serious depression in their late-teens/early 20s. Needed lots of medical help/medication etc. to get them through. Schitzophrenia seems to be an important correlate.

I am very sorry to hear your news.

Your warning may jolt some of us to help others by showing we care and prevent a duplicate sad event.

I read up about the topic when a relative was threatening suicide. My interpretation was that they have identified a problem, they have searched for solutions but have found none apart from ending their lives.

You can use their desire for a solution to find a solution and save their lives. Easier said than done perhaps but worth putting in a few hours.

Thanks guys. I had decided to educate myself about all of this. Here's a good site to start with:

http://www.clinical-depression.co.uk...tion/signs.htm

...a bit scary - I recognise some of the symptoms, and I think lots of us would. Worth a read, for sure.

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Originally Posted by TassieKiwi

They say suicide is painless....... but not to those left behind.

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I agree. The day before the ( 40 'iss ) son of a friend of mine died after having been in a coma for 5 days as a result of an OD. He had saved up a supply of his medication untill he had enough to commit suicide. He left behind a wife and 2 kids.

As you said it might have painless for him but not to his relatives as my mate is still grieving so badly that he can hardly work.


Peter.

The worst issue with depression is that those who are suffering it are often the least able to see it and admit it.

One of the guys I worked with commited suicide. It caught a lot of us completely off guard because we thought that we knew him quite well. He was the guy that was always clowning around.
It was not until afterwards that people started to piece together the warning signs, and there were plenty. Unfortunatly hindsight is not good enough. If only one of us had the forsight and courage to take action earlier.

Guys,
Sorry for the length, but maybe if someone reads this and from that gets some help, it will be worth it. I come from a strong position here. I am currently being treated for depression. I was lucky I had a good doctor who worked out what was wrong. I knew I wasnt right but could put a finger on what was wrong, finally went to the doctor, he had diagnosed it in about ten questions. It can happen to anyone. I had my suspitions in the back of my mind, and now that I think about it, I suffered the same during my teens and twenties and self medicated with binge drinking (This doesnt work guys... but t was fun at the time). I used to do what I now call my siside runsin a car.

If anyone knows the north-east of melbourne,they involeved a run from warrandyte to kangaroo ground through eltham to templestowe and back to warrandyte. This is a fairly winding hilly section of melbourne. The roads arent the greatest and I was doing them at an average of 80 to 100 KPH (Speed limit mainly 60).

then about a year and a half ago my life went completely to s**t. There was a management restructure at my work and my new boss had no people skills and no idea, and in fact went out of their way to made life hard for me (This was noticed and commented on by other managers who worked around me and my staff, but nothing was done for political reasons. Politics suck), my father got sick and needed spinal surgery, then he had three strokes, my wife had our first child, A poject I was working on at work didnt deliver what it was supposed to (For reasons that I had previously told them it wouldnt work), and all in six months.

I was put on medication. Within a week, I could feel the change in my outlook, I literaly felt a weight lifting from my shoulders (it was a physical feeling, it was amazing). I will be going to the doc this week to look at lowering my dosage with the idea of slowly getting me of the pills.

I cannot stess more the comment no-one else realy noticed I was depressed, though my wife (who is a nurse) new something was wrong, but didnt know what. In the teen years everyone thought I was a happy kid, just a bit of a loner, and I didnt know any better and thought everyone felt the same way.

Gotta say now things a looking up I have since changed jobs, within the same company, my new boss is so more supportive and helpful I cannot believe it is the same organisation. we have had our second child. All I have to do is get this back of mine to work properly now.

AS a finishing comment, if anyone has that feeling that something isnt quite right with them bu cant out their finger on it, see your doctor, tell him what you are feeling. you may be amazed as I was. If anyone wants to talk to me in private about this topic, PM me I have no qualifications other that experience but are still willing to talk with you.

Tassie, you didn't fail her and thanks to you, and people like you talking about it, more resources are becoming available and are more accessible.

I had problems with anxiety, which is related. Luckily anxiety is fairly apparent in that you know something is going on when you have panic attacks. Even if you dont know what they are. :confused:

Very sorry for your loss Tassie. Have to give hearty endorsement to Gra. Depression is a very real illness and should be treated as such. It happens to good people all the time the reasons are not always apparant. What Ginger Mick said about anxiety is pertinent. What might be depression is sometimes anxiety, and vice versa. They call it DASS or Depression Anxiety Stress Syndrome. It doesn't mean you are nuts if you have to go and see the doctor about it. It doesn't make you weak. In fact to go and face up that you might have a difficulty that you can tell a GP about it is most likely a sign of strength.

You would hope a GP will prefer to talk things through before prescribing medication, and if they prescribe medication they will also insist that you are seeing someone to talk about things with. The Prozac family inc Zoloft etc are pretty wonderful drugs. What they are called is "Seratonin Uptake Inhibitors". Seratonin is a hormone that is present in everyones brain and keeps them calm. DASS sufferers often use up their Seratonin to fast so there is not enough present to keep them level headed. Possibly we all drift to and even past the edges of depression at various stages. DASS sufferers aren't really able to get away from that area. Counceling and Medication can make a big difference.

A really good source of information is the Beyond Blue website, which is a well founded and researched source. You might know that Winston Churchill suffered depression. He called it his black dog. Malcolm Blight also suffered depression. I remember reading excerpts from his biography and it read like a litany of woe. I was thinking what am I missing here. I heard these stories from other places and he sounds like everyones favourite guy that they all wanted to have around. Just goes to show. For those who don't know Malcolm Blight was one of the very best Footballers ever if you follow Aussie Rules. In fact everything he has ever done in football has been a success.

I would like to say don't try and be too helpful as that might have the opposite effect to what you want. Really you can't do much more than be available and approachable.

Stephen

Two of the most capable sincere Blokey type blokes I knew, have taken this way out in the past 18 months or so, I worked with N... the day before he did it, he left work with a grin and said see ya next week he was 50ish with no history of anything like this, and P... we've known since he was 10, 33 when he decided to, P... was an up & down sorta Bloke(diagnosed), and was on a good upward swing just made the boss at work, got back together with his wife and ...........well the Fella from beyond blue said some interesting stuff at the get together.
Definitely leaves me bewildered as to why for both, but knowledge doesn't make it any easier for us to understand, just try to help I s'pose.

Our heartfelt wishes to all who are affected.

Yeah, well I can wave the depressed hand in the air. It's a bastard though it doesn't have to be a killer. Not wanting to downplay the impact of suicide but far more damage is done without getting that far - marriages, lives, etc. Suicide is by far the worst outcome but that's a minority response - the majority of people having their lives ruined don't get that far. It's also treatable and manageable, by drugs, cognitive methods (managing the way you think) and lifestyle. Depression can range from the deepest, blackest depths up to something so mild you are just regarded as a bit of a loser. Trouble is, mild depression can be as damaging. The new drugs are very safe and once they find the right one and the right dose (can call for some experimentation), the drugs aren't a problem - you couldn't have said that 15 years ago.

I wrote a book on the subject last year - a survivor's guide really. You can see the blurb here
Burning Away the Black Mist
Yeah, I'd like you to buy it but mention this post and I'll give you the link to the download page.

Cheers
Richard

Look after yourself Tassie, after seeing that situation.

Good on you Graham for getting help and opening up about it.

We get training at work about suicide and depression... but sometimes you just can not pick up on the signals.
I think that it is good to get the issue out in the open and make people aware that you think depression is a normal fact of health and life, just like the flu. That way there is more chance they will speak up when something is wrong. There has been an image of "weakness" associated with depression for a long time. That image does not help. Bloody Blokes... we will fix the car when it is broken, but when its with ourselves we tend to bottle it up and let things carry on.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is another bad one too. So, again, look after yourself Tassie.

Sorry to all concerned TassiKiwi. Dreadful stuff.

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Originally Posted by knucklehead

The worst issue with depression is that those who are suffering it are often the least able to see it and admit it.
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Agree with this entirely. And because they can't see it, like said before, they, as a consequence don't appear to be in trouble.....so we're less likely to notice. My best mate died this way. And I never saw it coming, and I new him very well.

Just a warning about the medications. Some of the anti depressant drugs have been found to cause more mood swings and depression. Someone I know well was prescribed one of the newer drugs and became suicidal (2 attempts) things got much better when drug was stopped. There was a news item recently which said the same thing, apparently it's been found that some of the anti depressants can cause suicidal tendencies, especially in younger people.

Mick

I feel for you kiwi

I had to identify my brothers body after he jumped off a bridge, he'd been in the water 3 days when they found him, I don't think I'll ever get that image out of my head.

I've been dealing with my own "black dog" for most of my adult life and I am getting better at it.
One of the reasons I don't talk about about it with many people is because most people who haven't experienced it don't really believe its an illness they think it's about "laziness" and "bludging".

As gingermick said you didn't fail her, after many years of contemplation I've discovered the harsh reality is that there is only one person responsible in a suicide.

Take care and look after those left behind.
julian