3X Irish

• Murphyis mowing his front lawn when a passer-by calls out,
  ‘Excuse me. I’m a visitor to this village. Do you know of a fellow by the nameof Shamus O’Brien?’
  Murphysays,’ And what would you be needin’ him for? He’s a fellow who’s drunk everynight, he never washes, he’s bad tempered, he swears and he wears outrageousclothes.’
  ‘That’sterrible’ says the visitor. ‘Are you sure he’s all of those things?
  ‘Iought to know,’ says Murphy. ‘He’s my best mate!’
  
  
  
• Murphywas quite a good looker when he was younger. In fact in his 20’s, he had a veryyouthful face, looking about 17 or 18 years old.
  At adance one night he saw an attractive woman sitting alone and thought he wouldask for a dance.
  Unfortunatelyshe turned him down after looking at his youthful appearance, saying, ‘I can’tdance with a child!’
  ‘Oh,I’m very sorry’ said Murphy, blushing. ‘I didn’t realize you were pregnant.’
  
  
• Paddyis a hard worker and is employed on the North Sea oil rigs. He works 7 days onand sleeps 1 day and then works another 7 days and so on. He only gets to comehome to Dublin once each year.
  Naturallyhis wife was upset about this and went to ask the parish priest for advice.
  Nextvisit to Dublin, the priest sought out Paddy and said,
  ‘You should come home and visit your wife at least once a month.’
  ‘ButI can’t afford to,’ replied Paddy. ‘After each visit home my wife has anotherbaby.’
  
  CP