Aussie cricket update

Aussie cricket update.

The Australian bobsleigh team have asked the Aussie cricket team for a meeting. They want to ask their advice about going downhill so fast!

What's the difference between Michael Clarke and a funeral director?
A funeral director doesn't keep losing the ashes.



What is the main function of the Australia coach?
To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.



On his way out into the middle to bat, Michael Clarke gets a call from
his wife and a teammate tells her he's heading out to the
middle.
His wife replies, 'I'll hold, he won't be long!'



What's the difference between an Aussie batsman and a Formula 1 car?
Nothing! If you blink you'll miss them both.



Who has the easiest job in the Australian squad?
The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.



What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
The entire Australian innings.



What's the Australian version of LBW?
Lost, Beaten, Walloped.



Why is Michael Clarke cleverer than Houdini?
Because he can get out without even trying.



What do you call a cricket field full of Australians ?
A vacant lot.



Did you hear what the stump microphones picked up when The Ashes
skippers tossed the coin?
Cook called correctly and, quick as a flash, said to Michael Clarke, 'You lads can bat.'
Just as quickly, Clarke replied, 'No, we can't. We really can't.'



What's the difference between Michael Clarke and a phoenix?
At the end of the ashes, the phoenix still has a future.



What do you call an Aussie with a bottle of Champagne?
A waiter.

What do you call a world-class Australian cricketer?
Retired.



What do you call an Australian who can hold a catch?
A fisherman.



Why can no-one drink wine in Australia at the moment?
They haven't got any openers ..



What is the difference between Cinderella and the Aussies?
Cinderella knew when to leave the ball.



What does an Australian batsman who is playing in The Ashes have in common with Michael Jackson? They both wore gloves for no apparent reason.

Who spends the most time on the crease of anyone on the Australian cricket team?
The woman who irons their cricket whites.



What do you call an Aussie holding a six inch urn above his head?
The England coach.



What's the height of optimism?
An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen.

what do you call an Aussie with a bat?






a vet

Thanks Graeme nice chuckle

What do you call an Australian with a hundred against his name on the scoreboard?

A bowler.

Did you hear what the stump microphones picked up when The Ashes
skippers tossed the coin?
Cook called correctly and, quick as a flash, said to Michael Clarke, 'You lads can bat.'
Just as quickly, Clarke replied, 'No, we can't. We really can't.'
Cook then replies "That's OK we will have a bat today as well"