Mental Help Line

Irish Mental help line voice says

If you obsessive compulsive Press 1 repeatedly

If you are co-dependant ask someone to press 2 for you

If you have multiple personalities press 3,4,5 & 6

If you are paranoid we know who you are and where you are stay on the line and we’ll trace the call

If you’re delusional press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship

If you’re schizophrenic listen closely and a small voice will tell you which number to press

If your depressive it doesn’t matter which number you press no one will answer you

If your dyslexic press 69696969

If you have a nervous disorder please fidget with the hash key till you hear the beep, after the beep please wait for the beep

If you have short term memory loss please try your call again later

And if you have low self esteem please hang up as all our operators are too busy to talk to you.