Luck.

A guy is strolling down the street in London when he comes across an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it vigorously, and out pops a genie. The genie offers to grant him one wish. The guy says, "I've always wanted to be lucky." The genie grants his wish. Off the bloke strolls, wondering how this will change his life, when he spies 10 quid on the footpath. Not a bad start, he thinks. As he picks up the money, he notices a betting shop across the road. He strolls over, looks through the racing lists, and sees a horse named Lucky Lad at 100/1 in the 4th at Ascot. He puts the 10 quid on the nose, and what do you know, the horse bolts in. Feeling on a bit of a roll, he heads to the local illegal casino, fronts up at the roulette table, and puts the whole 1,010 quid on "lucky seven." Round and round the wheel spins, and "bang!" It lands lucky seven. Now he's really flying ... what better way to celebrate than to head to the local brothel for some horizontal folk dancing? He knocks and enters, when all of a sudden he is showered with streamers and handed a glass of champagne. The madam of the establishment puts her arm around him and says, "Welcome, sir! We have much pleasure in informing you that you are our lucky 1000th customer, and you have won the right to enjoy the pleasures on offer from any girl who works here, absolutely free of charge!" The bloke says that he's always fancied making it with an Indian girl. So he is ushered into one of the rooms. In strolls the most gorgeous subcontinental woman he has ever seen. Not much time passes before clothing is strewn around the room and the Karma Sutra (pp. 101 to 532) is being well and truly tested. At one point, the guy pauses and says to the girl, "You are one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my life. I can't believe how lucky I am. But there is one thing I don't really like about Indian women. I don't like that red spot that you all have on your forehead." The Indian girl looks him in the eye and says, "Sir, I am here to please you and succumb to your every desire. If you wish to see it gone, then please scratch off my caste mark." So the bloke goes at it with his fingernail. All of a sudden, he leans back and starts laughing his ass off. "What's wrong?" asks the Indian girl. The bloke replies, "You're not going to believe this, but I've just won a new car!"

Iain,

It is the weekend and I am only on the BB because I am waiting for glue to dry. It is rather difficult to hold a plane steady laughing at jokes like this, it is also near impossible to read measurements etc with tears of laughter in one's eyes.

Wake up to yourself and only post rippers like that when we are at work! :D

Iain,
Where the hell did you get that from?

Made my weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry Mr Borer, I was checking my bank acc before a horse event and this was on my email, just posted it before I went out, was better than my bank acc...

Thats a cracker.