The Rose Garden (a.k.a. The Mower Incident)
Written in 2000.
This probably doesn't apply to woodworking per se, but it did happen to a woodworker (me) and his shop-dog (Sally) with trees all around us. The story goes like this:
As it is summer and the grass is growing long, I thought it would be a good idea to visit my aging mother with the family in tow, and do a cleanup at her place. She is a 75 y.o. living on a 3.5 acre property at Melton surrounded by unrealised furniture (trees). Due to her age the place is somewhat unkempt, so occasionally we attempt to reduce the fire risk.
This weekend I was doing the whipper snipping, my son was on the ride-on mower and SWMBO and the SWMBOette were inside, we had also brought our 11 month old Labrador Sally out for a run in the country. My 11 y.o. son was having the usual amount of fun driving the ride-on when the dog decides to play chicken with the tractor. She runs at it, feigning right and left, then gets confused and stands directly in front. I look at my son, who also seems confused, but not about to brake, so I yell at the dog (who ignores me).
Since things are getting close, I take off my hearing protectors and throw them Frisbee fashion to get her to move. Well it was a good shot, unbelievably so, the hearing protectors hit her square in the rump and the ear cups come off. The next part is hard to describe but I'll do my best.
When the ear muffs hit, the cups came off but the steel band clamped onto her hindquarters. The little rubber things that hold the cups on are digging in her flanks just forward of her legs and the band is resting on top of her tail. She doesn't like this one little bit and goes completely goofy, tucking her tail under and sprinting off, ears flapping, like the hounds of hell were after her. After about 20 metres she looks over her shoulder to see what had grabbed her (still at full pace) and doesn't look to the front in time to notice the 200mm raised garden bed. Her front legs fold back and she skids about 3 metres across the garden with her front legs back and her behind sticking up in the air, the tail like a shark's fin ploughing through the roses.
Now my son, he's on the tractor remember, loses control to laughter at this point and runs over another garden bed, spraying rocks everywhere and chewing up all living things in a 1.5 metre path. He quickly comes to a stop as the blades hit a rock and makes a *hell* of a racket. He seems safe so I look back at the dog. She is now seriously scared, the earmuffs are still attached, she no doubt thinks that something has crash tackled her into the garden and then there was that screeching sound (the mower dying) which was just too much for her. She had all the hair up along her spine, ears flat and howling and yelping, shot up the driveway like a greyhound. As she went she gave a few little mule kicks to try to dislodge the earmuffs - this was done in full flight!
Well this last bit finished me off, I doubled over and let the tears come. I found my earmuff band at the front gate, apparently falling off when she launched over it. My wife got in the car and hunted her down (I felt the dog wouldn't want to see me) while the son and I started repairing the damaged garden. By the time SWMBO returned we had finished repairing and replanting what we could. SWMBO told me she had a heck of a time getting the dog to stop, and an even harder time getting her into the car to bring her home.
Well, SWMBO had it easy, the dog now believes that, whatever it was that attacked her, I had unleashed it! She would not let me near her for over an hour and she still gets that big-eyed-look when I am near her. She has become very obedient though, I'll give her that.
