Swooshing

A woman went to the doctor, worried about her husband's temper and threatening manner.

The doctor asked: "What's the problem?

The woman replied "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk, he threatens to slap me around."

The doctor said "I have a really good cure for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he goes to bed and is asleep."

Two weeks later the woman came back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn. "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me! How does the water do that?"

The doctor said: "The water does sod all. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick.

Better duck I see some pots/pans/jigs/clamps being thrown in the Woodwould direction

Excellent :2tsup:

A man was staggering along the road at 2am on a saturday morning. A police car pulls up beside him and two police get out and stop him.

"Sir, please explain your business being out in the street at this hour, " asked one of the cops.

"I am on my way to a lecture on the effects on the human body of excess alcohol consumption and not going to bed at a reasonable hour," came the immediate reply.

The cop was naturally skeptical about the reply and asked: "And who would be giving such a lecture at this time of night?"

The man replied: "That would be my wife, when I get home."