Because I am a man

• Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. The RAC is not an option. I will win.

• Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the bonnet and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't, know where to start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy Communion.

• Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.

• Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. fellas: cumin is a spice and not a bodily function)

• Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

• Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).....applies to engineers mainly.

• Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always sex, cars, or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.

• Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come and visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.

• Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't....and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly remember the name and recommend it to others.

• Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

• Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2004, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest...... like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.

• This has been a public service message for Women to better understand the Male.

stuff it now I dont know what I am. Sorry but I am going to get soppy fellas. My dear wife of 25 years has had boob cancer and this year anyourism ? I love shopping, hate house keeping-but so does she, enjoy gardening, cooking and woodwork... damm it she love the lathe HELP..... Tonto

Sorry to hear that Tonto. I'm in a similar situation, my wife has had a series of brain tumours and consequently I'm the bread winner, chief cook and bottle washer, shopper, cleaner etc etc. (we do get 8 hrs per week of domestic help :) , couldn't cope without it, but tried real hard to do so for years before we found out about it :( )

Mick

My sympathies to both of you blokes, my wife, kids & I are fortunate to be pretty healthy so can't imagine what you are going/have been through.

Live for today, who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Regards..........Sean


PS. Driver - good one!