I am confused and need some advice from the woodworking women

[Phil Spencer]

Presently my wife is in a pain rehabilitation clinic noticing that she looked as if she was feeling left out about what was happening in my life I decided to leave a letter with her clean laundry. In this letter I fill her in about what is happening at home and also I include some other touchy feely stuff that men don't usually talk about.

This seemed to cheer her up no end and I think has and will help with her rehabilitation. The strange thing is that when I walk into the hospital now I notice the nurses looking at me, smiling and generally giggling and pointing and talking about me behind my back, I am wondering if they have seen these letters (my wife calls them love letters) or if it was the kilo of Belgium chocolates that I left at the nurses station with my business card to thank them for looking after my wife.

Have I broken the men's code by writing these letters and leaving the chocolates for the nurses, what am I to do? I am so confused. Maybe the Wood Whispering Women on the forum can help?

BTW if you google 'causealga' and 'pain sensitisation' it will explain my wife's condition.

Regards

Phil

[jaspr]

Hi Phil

I really have no idea why they might be doing this, other than that they have noticed your acts of kindness and find it so rare they need to talk about it amongst themselves.

Anyway, don't be put off. If it helps your wife, keep it up, even if it makes you feel awkward. Mention it to your wife, maybe. As she's closer to the action she might understand it better.

(Just a thought - this might be similar to how I feel when I walk into a male dominated timber yard and start asking odd questions. I get more than a few strange looks and feel very out of place sometimes.)

Hope your wife's pain gets better and she can get home quickly.

[Gingermick]

Have I broken the men's code by writing these letters

:2tsup:Goodonya. Overcoming the male ego is a fantastic thing (and something which I hope to achieve)
I hope your wife is able to to get some relief from what looks a very unpleasant condition.

[Phil Spencer]

Hi Phil

I really have no idea why they might be doing this, other than that they have noticed your acts of kindness and find it so rare they need to talk about it amongst themselves.

Anyway, don't be put off. If it helps your wife, keep it up, even if it makes you feel awkward. Mention it to your wife, maybe. As she's closer to the action she might understand it better.

(Just a thought - this might be similar to how I feel when I walk into a male dominated timber yard and start asking odd questions. I get more than a few strange looks and feel very out of place sometimes.)

Hope your wife's pain gets better and she can get home quickly.

Thanks for the kind thoughts Jaspr, we are into a four week stint have one under our belts and three to go, I was that lonely the other night I put her PJ's around a pillow in bed (now I am getting all touchy and feely and breaking the Men's code). needles to say the woodwork has been put on the back burner prioritise I suppose. What my wife is suffering from is a life long condition and there will be flare-ups. After 35 years together we thought that life was just starting to get good, have to change our definition of good.

Regards
Phil

[Phil Spencer]

:2tsup:Goodonya. Overcoming the male ego is a fantastic thing (and something which I hope to achieve)
I hope your wife is able to to get some relief from what looks a very unpleasant condition.

Thanks Gingermick we have a lot to learn about pain management.

Regards

Phil

[tea lady]

Don't worry about the nurses talking about you. They are just jealous and wish they could find one like you too. I think your letter idea is gorgeous. Keep doing it. And I hope you told your wife about the PJs too.:2tsup:Maybe you could give her a pair of your PJs for her pillow too. (Maybe not.:rolleyes:) Here's to breaking the mens code.:cheers:

[DavidG]

Mens code does not exclude caring for SWMBO in any way that is possible.
Real men care. :2tsup:

[Phil Spencer]

Don't worry about the nurses talking about you. They are just jealous and wish they could find one like you too. I think your letter idea is gorgeous. Keep doing it. And I hope you told your wife about the PJs too.:2tsup:Maybe you could give her a pair of your PJs for her pillow too. (Maybe not.:rolleyes:) Here's to breaking the mens code.:cheers:

Told her about the PJ's and she cried don't know what I did wrong, the letters have also done the trick her spirits are up and I think it will make the next three weeks easier and the rehabilitation more effective, I have just got home from the hospital and she definitely seemed happier. Can't give her my PJ's still wearing them.:oo:


Mens code does not exclude caring for SWMBO in any way that is possible.
Real men care. :2tsup:
Woohoo I think that I have finally grown up.

[Tex B]

Phil,

Sounds like you have a really beautiful relationship. I'm sure you've worked hard at loving each other for many years. Reading this thread brought tears to this "real man's" eyes.

Keep it up, mate. The notes, the chats, the PJs, the chocolates. If you have some flowers in your garden you can take her a few. Chicks dig all that stuff :wink:

God bless.

Tex

[Phil Spencer]

Phil,

Sounds like you have a really beautiful relationship. I'm sure you've worked hard at loving each other for many years. Reading this thread brought tears to this "real man's" eyes.

Keep it up, mate. The notes, the chats, the PJs, the chocolates. If you have some flowers in your garden you can take her a few. Chicks dig all that stuff :wink:

God bless.

Tex

Flowers? that's a good Idea.:)

[tea lady]

Flowers? that's a good Idea.:)

...from your own garden.:2tsup: That's a really good idea. If no flowers some interesting leaves if you have any.:rolleyes: Failing that how about a pot of bulbs. Plant them in the garden when she gets home and they can be hospital anniversary bulbs.:U

[pugwash]

Nurses will generally eat as many chocolates as they can get their hands on. Hopefully your wife will recover before you run out of cash to buy them with.

Just a word about flowers. Watch out what colours you give your wife. If you put red and white flowers on their own in a vase, the nurses go mental and start rushing about panicking, flapping their arms and generally behaving in an un-Nightingalish manner !

[Phil Spencer]

...from your own garden.:2tsup: That's a really good idea. If no flowers some interesting leaves if you have any.:rolleyes: Failing that how about a pot of bulbs. Plant them in the garden when she gets home and they can be hospital anniversary bulbs.:U
Bulbs are a nice idea but they won't allow any thing in dirt into a hospital something about Legionella, There is a wholesale flower outlet near me get really fresh flowers that last a long time think i will do that roses come to mind.

[tea lady]

Bulbs are a nice idea but they won't allow any thing in dirt into a hospital something about Legionella, There is a wholesale flower outlet near me get really fresh flowers that last a long time think i will do that roses come to mind.
:doh: No dirt. :shrug: What about one of those hyacynth bulds they grow above water? Oh well. Any flowers will prolly do the job.:rolleyes: You and your wife are in my thoughts. Look after yourself too.

[Phil Spencer]

:doh: No dirt. :shrug: What about one of those hyacynth bulds they grow above water? Oh well. Any flowers will prolly do the job.:rolleyes: You and your wife are in my thoughts. Look after yourself too.

Thanks very much Tea Lady, this means a lot to me. I notice that you live up the hill from me. If you ever need to use a machine let me know.

[joe greiner]

Woohoo I think that I have finally grown up.

Attributed to Pennsylvania Dutch, but found in many cultures: Too soon old, too late smart.

Joe

[Groggy]

Phil, sorry to hear about the missus but I reckon she is lucky to have you. The only "code" you need to worry about here is looking after your family, and I think you have that pretty well hacked.

Regarding the PJs tears, I think she was just very happy, they do that (leak when happy I mean). I hope she gets home soon.

See you at Roy's.

[Mollywood]

Hi Phil,

Believe me, the nurses were pointing and saying
'there goes that nice man who wrote those lovely letters for his wife, wouldn't you love to have a man like that!'
:-:-:-

[Phil Spencer]

Hi Phil,

Believe me, the nurses were pointing and saying
'there goes that nice man who wrote those lovely letters for his wife, wouldn't you love to have a man like that!'
:-:-:-
Funny thing is I thought that I would have trouble coming up with the words find I am managing about 1000 words a day. Hope that she never shows any one the letters, think the men's council would expel me :D

[Mollywood]

Funny thing is I thought that I would have trouble coming up with the words find I am managing about 1000 words a day. Hope that she never shows any one the letters, think the men's council would expel me :D

When circumstances compel us to attempt things we wouldn't normally try, we sometimes surprise ourselves.
In doing something nice for your wife, you've found you have a talent you didn't know you had. How cool is that!:U

It'll keep your creative side busy till you can get back to the shed. :;

[Ashore]

Glad to hear your shmbo is on the mend, as most of the code relates to the shed I don't think there is a code violation yet so keep writing , use to do big long letters when I was at sea , tried to add a little each day , kept us close :roll:
Why are the nurses talking , wispering etc , are you sure it isn't because you haven't ironed your clothes to the n'th degree, a little wrinkled perhaps you know what these female people are like , long after the chockolates are gone the critism of the male lives on :no:

[Phil Spencer]

When circumstances compel us to attempt things we wouldn't normally try, we sometimes surprise ourselves.
In doing something nice for your wife, you've found you have a talent you didn't know you had. How cool is that!:U

It'll keep your creative side busy till you can get back to the shed. :;
Hi Mollywood its the touchy feely stuff that has surprised me, I suppose I am not that tough or strong after all. :?

Writing doesn't bother me I have written a book on business that was used in the NSW TAFE system, if you would like a copy let me know I think I have one or two laying around. Just had a thought the content would be a useful tutorial on this forum if some one wants to put it up, I have it stored electronically and I have been told it was pretty good by some senior trainers.

[tea lady]

Book on Business? Think I would rather read one of your letters. Although maybe it would come in handy if I got insomnia.:rolleyes:......:oo:..:doh:.:rolleyes:Sorry. I'm sure its very interesting. :sleep6:......:oo::D

[Durdge39]

Phil mate, what you're doing is admirable to the highest degree. What someone said previously was right on - real blokes care, and real blokes love their family. You have broken through the hold of the typical stereotyping of a "manly man" and become something far more respected. Even as a young bloke in a relatively new relationship (2.5 years is nothing on your 35 xD), I admire what you are doing. Best of luck to you and your wife, I wish you both the best.

[Phil Spencer]

Book on Business? Think I would rather read one of your letters. Although maybe it would come in handy if I got insomnia.:rolleyes:......:oo:..:doh:.:rolleyes:Sorry. I'm sure its very interesting. :sleep6:......:oo::D
Accounting books are a better sleeping tablet usually half a paragraph will do it.

I am serious about what I said with putting it up on the forum it might help some one start up and survive I have set up and counciled dozens of people starting up their own businesses. Maybe I should contact Neil.

The latest love letter is steaming along (one a day) My wife Rhonda, has started to write them back telling me in detail about her day in the hospital and the rehabilitation and other mushy stuff I think it has helped with her extended stay. In retrospect this is something that I would encourage any one to do with a love one in hospital Rhonda tells me she has fallen in love with me all over again.

[Phil Spencer]

Phil mate, what you're doing is admirable to the highest degree. What someone said previously was right on - real blokes care, and real blokes love their family. You have broken through the hold of the typical stereotyping of a "manly man" and become something far more respected. Even as a young bloke in a relatively new relationship (2.5 years is nothing on your 35 xD), I admire what you are doing. Best of luck to you and your wife, I wish you both the best.

Thanks for the kind thoughts Durdge

[The Bleeder]

Phil,

Best to the both of you and I hope your wife comes home soon.

You have acted on the one thing that you probably haven't thought about...remember your marriage vows....I think all those nurses are extremely envious..

No you haven't broken any codes you have held one code in the highest esteem..the one before you said 'I do'.

You are the example of what men should be.

Steve

[Clinton1]

and she cried don't know what I did wrong


I don't think you did anything wrong... she's in hospital and feeling sick and sorry, you are coming along telling her how much you love her and making her fall in love with you all over again... sounds like the right stuff to me.

I don't know about this 'men's code' business, but it sounds like you could start writing a few chapters for it and update it if you think it is telling you that you are doing something wrong.

Sounds like you are doing just fine. :2tsup:

[tea lady]

Accounting books are a better sleeping tablet usually half a paragraph will do it. Yes accounting much better insomnia cure,

I am serious about what I said with putting it up on the forum it might help some one start up and survive I have set up and counciled dozens of people starting up their own businesses. Maybe I should contact Neil. Could be good.:2tsup: I have done a small business course years ago now. My business plan could prolly do with a once over. I must confess I actually enjoyed the accounting bet. All those nice neat columns. Not like my house at all.:rolleyes:

The latest love letter is steaming along (one a day) My wife Rhonda, has started to write them back telling me in detail about her day in the hospital and the rehabilitation and other mushy stuff I think it has helped with her extended stay. In retrospect this is something that I would encourage any one to do with a love one in hospital Rhonda tells me she has fallen in love with me all over again.

:oo: A STEAMING love letter now? You gonna blow those nurses right out of the hospital. :rolleyes::D

[Phil Spencer]

:oo: A STEAMING love letter now? You gonna blow those nurses right out of the hospital. :rolleyes::D
Yeh the might not let me in:rolleyes:

[flynnsart]

:2tsup: You rock! I bet the nurses wish all the spouses of the patients were so supportive to their loved ones.

Donna

[RufflyRustic]

Hi Phil,

What a way to be, someone so in love with their wife and man enough to show it :2tsup::2tsup::2tsup:

Your first letter is very special. It's all about the fact that you picked up pen and paper and wrote for her. Don't be surprised if it gets framed or a special box suddenly appears with the letter in it. The second letter is just as special, because it isn't a one-off. Anything else you do will be treasured and remembered as well.

Good on you Phil! thinking of you both and hope you will be home together very soon.

cheers
Wendy

[wheelinround]

:2tsup: Phil top marks Code :~ whimps live by codes your no whimp

Yep Nurses would be jealous as anything keep them guessing:2tsup:

[Phil Spencer]

Hi Phil,

What a way to be, someone so in love with their wife and man enough to show it :2tsup::2tsup::2tsup:

Your first letter is very special. It's all about the fact that you picked up pen and paper and wrote for her. Don't be surprised if it gets framed or a special box suddenly appears with the letter in it. The second letter is just as special, because it isn't a one-off. Anything else you do will be treasured and remembered as well.

Good on you Phil! thinking of you both and hope you will be home together very soon.

cheers
Wendy

Thanks Wendy, today Rhonda left the Hospital and goes into a supported guest house for two weeks, all part of her pain rehabilitation, she is within walking distance of the hospital and has to attend as an out patient for two weeks. It will teach her brain that she can manage, Rhonda has been to afraid to leave the house for the past 18 months because of the pain. Although she will have pain for the rest of her life she is being taught to manage with meditation and keeping her stress levels low and therefore keep the pain at a manageable level.

So today after she was discharged from the hospital, I took her across to the guest house and helped settle her in then I accompanied her in a trial walk to the Hospital, none of the O/T's had thought of this, Rhonda was really scared about going solo so a trial walk to the Hospital really helped.

It was really odd leaving her there, being a Guest House and living only 45min up the road did not seem rational to me but its all part of the pain management rehabilitation and I suppose that the doctors know what they are doing. I could tell that Rhonda felt the same.

The one good thing about this next two weeks is there is more privacy and the environment is definitely less sterile and political, I reckon that Hospital is the last place to put a sick person.

If any one is interested in reading a very good book on pain, its causes and its management try 'Explain Pain" by the NOI group in South Aust. it is written in simple language and walks the reader through chronic pain, its causes and ways to handle it.

I am already thinking about making a box for the letters.

Regards

Phil

[Phil Spencer]

:2tsup: You rock! I bet the nurses wish all the spouses of the patients were so supportive to their loved ones.

Donna

Thing is Donna, I find that I am still pre judged by the nurses, there must be a lot of husbands that are not supportive. Or maybe by pre judging and having pre-conceived ideas they unwittingly create a self fulfilling prophecy. This happened in the hospital Rhonda was reading a letter and a nurse came in and tried to take it off her, saying that 'all this rubbish would upset her and not help with the pain', so what do you do? This nurse had all the sensitivity of a Bull Elephant, I just wish that I had been there.

Phil

[tea lady]

Gee, Phil. I would have thought that something else to think of besides the pain and hospitals would be a good thing. :doh:

There was an interesting series on ABC Radio National recently about pain and new ways of coping with chronic pain. The show was "All in the Mind" I think. :Hmm: Or the health show. Can't remember now. It was very interesting though. Although I am very glad I don't have to cope with it.:rolleyes:

Two more weeks home alone? 14 more letters.:2tsup:

[Mollywood]

There always seems to be one bitchy :mad3: nurse on the staff that upsets everyone.
Don't let her/him get under your skin.
They're probably jealous because they don't have a thoughtful partner who does nice things for them.

Best wishes for you both.
:)

[Phil Spencer]

Gee, Phil. I would have thought that something else to think of besides the pain and hospitals would be a good thing. :doh:

There was an interesting series on ABC Radio National recently about pain and new ways of coping with chronic pain. The show was "All in the Mind" I think. :Hmm: Or the health show. Can't remember now. It was very interesting though. Although I am very glad I don't have to cope with it.:rolleyes:

Two more weeks home alone? 14 more letters.:2tsup:

I will look them up and try for a pod cast

[RufflyRustic]

Thanks Wendy, today Rhonda left the Hospital and goes into a supported guest house for two weeks,............................

I am already thinking about making a box for the letters.

Regards

Phil

YeeeeHHaaaaa!!!!! Great news Phil :U

Go the box, :2tsup::)

[Phil Spencer]

I have just found out that Rhonda will be allowed home for the weekend next weekend, I have brought her a new top from Jaqui.e it is a three quarter sleeve thing feels like its made from something really soft (that's about as far as this man knows how to describe fabric) has some lace around the neck and down the front. When I gave it to her in the hospital I told her that she was not allowed to wear it till she came home, something to look forward to.

I have planned a special meal, all the things she likes a boned and butterfly cut leg of Lamb it has been marinated in Moroccan herbs and I will BBQ that, I will also steam some Kepler potatoes and I will season them with herbed butter also some couscous salad all to be washed down with a nice red.

I don't think I will be looking at the forum over the weekend for some reason.

Regards

Phil

[diana]

Hi Phil,
I was reading about your wife and a beautiful idea would be to buy her favourite fragrance in a body lotion, when you visit here you can give her a hand massge or rub her shoulders wirh the lotion, the fragrace will leave a lasting memory of your visit, and she will feel refreshed and it will give you both some special time with each other. My husband did this for me when I was ill and it made me feel so wonderful and it helped me relax and to this day the CoCo chanel lotion is my very special gift at christmas.

[Phil Spencer]

Hi Phil,
I was reading about your wife and a beautiful idea would be to buy her favourite fragrance in a body lotion, when you visit here you can give her a hand massge or rub her shoulders wirh the lotion, the fragrace will leave a lasting memory of your visit, and she will feel refreshed and it will give you both some special time with each other. My husband did this for me when I was ill and it made me feel so wonderful and it helped me relax and to this day the CoCo chanel lotion is my very special gift at christmas.

What a wonderful idea, I might pluck up the courage and put my man feelings aside and try it I suppose the Body Shop would be a good palce to start.

[GekoMan]

Phil, sorry I am not a female. However I have had several girl friends and female friends who are nurses and one a doctor. What most people don't realise is how often there are people in hospital that have no visitors at all.

You could put money on those nurses thinking you and your wife have a fairy tale relationship. These nurses see the worst of people everyday so they need a hart warming story like yours every now and then to inspire them. That is why they are talking about you.:2tsup:

[tea lady]

So Phil, how'd the weekend go?:cool:

[prozac]

So many posts Phil I only read the first, oh and the last because tea lady always has sage advice. I think she may be quite old. That's just between us blokes ok Phil.

Back to the topic, putting it all in writing and the code etc. No mate it can't help in the charisma stakes if the nurses had a look. They're in it for the care and compassion they can bring to others right. Something like this, well it lets them know that you are a 'snag' and when they are talking about you now it's probably complimentary stuff. That look, now that's envy. Yup they know they haven't got you, but now you are a valuable commodity, something to strive for. Man you are HOT!

It never hurts to feel the best about yourself now and again.

prozac

[Phil Spencer]

So Phil, how'd the weekend go?:cool:

Went well Rhonda is moving around without the use of her wheelchair now, she was actually able to walk around the shops at the Glen Shopping Centre, the last three weeks here really tough on Rhonda because the programme challenged her both physically and emotionally there was more than a few breakdowns. This morning I dropped her back for the last week and then she comes home and with two half days at the hospital for the next six weeks and then every two weeks. So in answer to your question the weekend was great Rhonda was really happy to be at home and I thing it really helped her emotionally. If I told you any more I would have to shoot you as the saying goes.:):D


So many posts Phil I only read the first, oh and the last because tea lady always has sage advice. I think she may be quite old. That's just between us blokes ok Phil.

Back to the topic, putting it all in writing and the code etc. No mate it can't help in the charisma stakes if the nurses had a look. They're in it for the care and compassion they can bring to others right. Something like this, well it lets them know that you are a 'snag' and when they are talking about you now it's probably complimentary stuff. That look, now that's envy. Yup they know they haven't got you, but now you are a valuable commodity, something to strive for. Man you are HOT!

It never hurts to feel the best about yourself now and again.

prozac

Believe it or not the doctors wanted me to stop, they had pre judged and thought that I was using the letters to put pressure on Rhonda so I showed them a letter and I think that they got embarrassed. I think that these people live a sheltered existence and also become de-sensitised to their patients needs.

Regards

Phil

[SAISAY]

When I was really really ill a couple of months ago, the best thing was simply that Lee was there for me, you are doing exactly what you ought to do.
CARE.
Don't worry about the nurses, you are probably taking more notice of them because you aren't really sure about showing your feelings. I bet they are SMILING at you NOT laughing at you because they admire how much you love your wife after all these years.
I envy your wife even though I have a good one here (not wife though) as well.
Wolffie

[tea lady]

So many posts Phil I only read the first, oh and the last because tea lady always has sage advice. I think she may be quite old. That's just between us blokes ok Phil.

prozac

:oo: I don't know whether to be flattered or what :p. (You have seen the "legs on the bus" thread haven't you? :rolleyes:)

[Phil Spencer]

Rhonda comes home tomorrow after four weeks hard work, she still has to follow up with treatment as an outpatient twice a week for the next six weeks then down to fortnightly and so on.

To mark the occasion and as a reward for all her hard work I will be giving her a diamond bracelet, I will have the box placed amongst 24 red roses, I was going to put the money toward a spindle moulder, I figure that it can wait a bit longer.

I have decided to throw the men's rules out the window, I have broken so many. When I am called up to explain to the men's council they will not know where to start so the rule book might get rewritten.

Phil

[DavidG]

I have decided to throw the men's rules out the window, I have broken so many. When I am called up to explain to the men's council they will not know where to start so the rule book might get rewritten.

NO Mens rules have been broken (Boys rules, maybe).

We are all proud of how you have supported the other half.
When you marry you become one.
When one half hurts the the whole does.
You have proven to be a real man, soft and loving at heart and strong on the outside.
Well done. :2tsup: