Best excuse for not going to work [Archive]

fred.n

15th February 2007, 10:20 PM

The boys and I were talking at work today, about the best excuse for not turning up at work for the day.:oo:
I heard so many good ones at lunchtime that I thought I'd ask you lot:D
My best one was from a guy who rung up saying his feet swelled up that much overnight that he couldn't get his boots on:D :D GREAT:2tsup:
What's yours???

Gumby

15th February 2007, 10:28 PM

Cliff Rogers

15th February 2007, 11:00 PM

Reversed out of the carport & ran over the family cat. :2tsup:

Gumby

15th February 2007, 11:04 PM

Reversed out of the carport & ran over the family cat. :2tsup:

cause for a celebration if you ask me. :D

Or in Wongo's case, break out the chop sticks :oo:

Cliff Rogers

15th February 2007, 11:12 PM

cause for a celebration if you ask me. :D...

Me too. (:shhh: :secret: we didn't have a cat. )

Lignum

15th February 2007, 11:43 PM

My stigmata's playing up:cool:

Flowboy

16th February 2007, 09:39 AM

Cat reversed out of the carport and ran over me.

bitingmidge

16th February 2007, 09:51 AM

A mate of mine was delayed due to light winds in a Sydney-Gold Coast yacht race. He was due back at work on the Tuesday, and as the time to start work came he was drifting off Point Danger.

These were the days before cell phones, so he patched into the phone system through the HF Radphone. Rembember of course that we were all experienced radio operators, and had been at sea a while:

"Hey boss, this is John, look I'm really crook and won't be in today.
....OVER"

Cheers,

P
:D :D :D

Cliff Rogers

16th February 2007, 09:51 AM

Cat reversed out of the carport and ran over me.
You have to have the cuts & bruises to show for that one. :stretcher:

goat

16th February 2007, 10:01 AM

i have anal glucoma (can't see my asre at work today)

Doughboy

16th February 2007, 10:04 AM

I remember a guy at my fathers work, a metal fabrication business, ringing in saying he had lost his contacts and had to go to town and buy some more so he could go to work the next day. The old man, being a nice bloke said ok we will cover your shift but you better be here tomorrow.

The next day he came to work and after lunch he was working on an ornate metal sculpture to go in a brick pillar. It was a sort of abstract star design. He dropped something and bent over to pick it up, in doing so he skewered his eye on the piece he was working on and reflex reaction stood back up and ripped the eye out of its socket. The eye was on this sculpture thing and I think someone even took a photo of it. After the bloke was sedated and about to be wheeled into the ambulance the old man said to him ''Those new contacts did not help much, did they!''

Now he has a great excuse not to go to work.

Pete

silentC

16th February 2007, 10:16 AM

Arrgh!! You need to warn people before blurting out things like that!!

silentC

16th February 2007, 10:17 AM

My best excuse was falling down a cliff in the Blue Mountains on Sunday around lunchtime and having to be choppered out that night. Didn't make it to work the next day...

Lignum

16th February 2007, 11:24 AM

The dog ate my car keys and we had to hitchhike to the vet :rolleyes:

Termite

16th February 2007, 11:47 AM

In reply to my enquiry as to why I had been removed from the electoral roll, I recieved a letter informing me that I had been removed because I was dead. :oo: No joke!

I phoned the boss and informed him that I was officially dead and wouldn't be in to work for a week. He said that's OK, he didn't pay wages to dead people.

havenoideaatall

16th February 2007, 01:06 PM

There's nothing worse with actually being sick yet not so sick you can still sound quite coherent on the phone.

You feel like a right fraud but know you're fair dinkum.

I'm always a bit unsure about the level of medical detail that I should supply. "Well it all started Friday night..." You almost feel you owe them a good explanation.

Lignum

16th February 2007, 01:21 PM

Then theirs the classic oldie thats repeated often but i first heard 30 years ago with the then legendary Melb DJ - Rick Melbourne. He used to ring a boss live on air and pretend he was the friend of the worker who was running late.

This particular day he told the boss that his employee was running late because he was going to get a hair cut. The boss said he had no right to get a hair cut on company time. Rick Melbourne then said his friend reckons that if it grows on company time he could have it cut on company time, to which the boss (becomming very aggitated) said his hair didnt all grow on company time and the reply was "he isnt getting it all cut" :D

Gra

16th February 2007, 01:25 PM

at a previous job we had one girl call in at 10 and say she wasn't coming in, she had slept in.

We waited for the rest of the excuse, but there wasn't any?? :doh: What scared me, was the boss didn't sack her. ???

Harry72

16th February 2007, 07:42 PM

Ooorrrrrrrrahhhhh mate bad chicken last night....

ss_11000

16th February 2007, 09:43 PM

thanx pete for that story...kinda wish i didnt read it but oh well, you get that.

i've never gotten out of work...so i got no excuses:rofl:

MajorPanic

16th February 2007, 10:35 PM

At Aust Post I've heard some REALLY good ones, but the best was from a female postie. She rang me at 05:55 (06:00 start time) & stated she couldn't come in to work as "my hair hurts!"

She was also the author of the famous excuse "I can't go out on the road today, my bellybutton is infected"

Safe to say she didn't last too long in the job :doh: :doh: :doh:

MajorPanic

16th February 2007, 10:41 PM

My best excuse was falling down a cliff in the Blue Mountains on Sunday around lunchtime and having to be choppered out that night. Didn't make it to work the next day...SOOK!!! You big girls blouse!!
Bit of iodine, a band aid & a couple of Aspro & you would of been fine..... SOOK!!! :wink: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

SPIRIT

16th February 2007, 10:43 PM

l rang up the boss and said l have got a bit off man trouble
always worked for the chicks

Skew ChiDAMN!!

17th February 2007, 02:58 AM

Boss? That chiropractor you recommended? He's a fraud... :(

Tonyz

17th February 2007, 10:56 AM

Gra. maybe the boss was sacking her thats why he didnt finish her employment.
Tony

namtrak

17th February 2007, 11:14 AM

I once told the boss to his face that he was an a$$$hole and he can go f*** himself, and that I wouldn't be going to work until I felt like it. The boss was cool with that, and even kept paying me!!!!

Guess that's one of the benefits of being self-employed. :D

Wood Butcher

17th February 2007, 12:55 PM

Told the boss one day that I couldn't come into work because he hadn't cleaned all the blood off the sawbench yet:p. Of course it was my blood from when I almost cut my thumb in half the day before.:(

For the record the boss was the old man and I was still living at home at the time.

stevebaby

19th February 2007, 12:35 PM

I had a job where I had to check and approve (or not) sick leave applications.
The best excuse I ever saw was 'Existential angst'.
Naturally...I approved it.
The next best was 'Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome'
W-K syndrome is advanced alcoholic deterioration of the brain (AKA 'wet brain syndrome')
I approved that one too.
I rang in to say I had fallen off my motorcycle and sprained my wrist..."Nothing serious,be OK in a couple of days."
An hour later...you guessed it,fell off my motorcycle and fractured my wrist.Off work for two weeks and didn't have enough sick leave to cover it.:C

stevebaby

19th February 2007, 12:36 PM

Clinton1

19th February 2007, 07:47 PM

The best one I heard (NOT an excuse of mine though!!!) was....

"I have to go to the doctors because I got smashed last night and when I woke up, my bum was bleeding"

What can you really say to that?

Shedhand

19th February 2007, 07:57 PM

I have a favourite tank top which wear when fishing. It has printed on the front:

I RAN OUT OF SICK DAYS
SO I CALLED IN DEAD

squashedfrog1

19th February 2007, 09:02 PM

Cant come in to work today coz the voices told me I have to stay at home and clean my guns......

MajorPanic

19th February 2007, 09:23 PM

Cant come in to work today coz the voices told me I have to stay at home and clean my guns......BEATUIFUL!!! :2tsup: :2tsup: :2tsup:

DavidG

19th February 2007, 10:04 PM

Once told my uni-students that the only excuse I would accept for a late assignment was, their death certificate if they delivered it to me in-person.:roll:

Terry B

19th February 2007, 10:30 PM

I get asked for sick certificates all the time and most are pretty legit. One exception was a young lass that was about 10 weeks pregnant. She wanted a certificate stating she could not work for her entire pregnancy because we had found evidence of old treated syphilis on her routine blood tests. She wanted to go on social security for 8 months. I'm not sure what she expected me to write on the certificate.
Reason for leave- ?syphilis :o