The hardest thing I've ever had to do

[Grumpy John]

I just received a phone call from the aged care facility where my mum is that she has stopped eating and it looks as though she's "given up on life" so I'm off to say my last goodbye's. I'm a real coward at this sort of thing and am finding it hard to get up the nerve to go and see my mum dying. I always swore that after missing out on saying goodbye to my dad that things would be different with my mum, but jeez this is hard.

[The Bleeder]

John,

Just go, be with your mum and at this point in time don't judge just be there with her.

[Grumpy John]

I've just come back from a visit with mum and had a very one sided conversation, and I feel much better for it. Luckily the home she's in is just a 5 minute drive for me so I'll go and see her again later tonight.

[Greg Ward]

Mate,
She'll be with you forever. You'll be having conversations with her at odd times in the future.
There comes a time for all when we get tired and perhaps your mum has reached that period in her life.
She will appreciate your presence, just hold her hand.
And be glad you have the opportunity to spend some time with her.

Greg

[Sturdee]

Just go there as often as you can, sit beside her and just hold her hand. She'll know that you are there and that you care, at this stage words are not necessary. That's what I did when I was in that situation.

I'm thinking of you.


Peter.

[Woodwould]

Tough times John, but they're golden too. Swallow hard and just be there for both your sakes.

[tea lady]

:C Geez Grumpy! That is hard! My thoughts are with you! I have no experience woth this sort of thing at all, but I'd imagine just being there is all you can do! One of those times when you can't really DO anything! All the best! :console:

[artme]

Tough indeed Mate! But presence is the best thing for both of you.

When my first wife died from abrain tumor I was exhausted, and though I knew the end was near, I went home to sleep! She died while I was away, something I've always regreted.

My mother is currently in a nursing home in Ballina and it gets harder and harder to visit this wonderful old lady, but I do so as often as I can.

John - be there for, and with, your mum.:)

[jimbur]

It's hard but what else can you do.
The final appalling times will eventually fade a bit and the person you really knew will take over in your thoughts again.
Even though it's one-sided, tell her about the good times you remember.
Jim

[fenderbelly]

My father was in a car accident and in hospital, my brother was visiting him late and got back to my place about midnight and said he wasn't looking good.

I got a taxi there and he died while i was visiting, at least he didn't go on his own.

You be there mate, i know it's hard but you wont regret it.

[wolften]

...just being there with your Mum will say it all mate.
Words will be hard but carry on as normal.
Our thoughts are with you.

[Christopha]

I understand and appreciate your situation. Hang in and give your Mum the support and care only you can give. Best of thoughts to you.

[Kev Y.]

As others have said, hang in there, my thoughts are with you...

[dj_pnevans]

John I started writting some things about my mum and dad who have passed but it still hurts. All I can say is do what is right for you.
David

[munruben]

I feel for you mate and have been through it twice myself with both my parents. It's a sad time for you but I am sure you will have some lovely memories to look back on with your mum. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Grumpy John]

Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts and wishes. I went and saw mum again last night and I'll go again this morning before I go to work this arvo. Just to explain the situation a bit, mum is 94 and was sent to Frankston emergency last week with a badly infected foot. Amputation was discussed but the consesus was that she would not survive the surgery. She is now receiving palliative care and pain management (morphine every 4 hours) and she is now refusing food and water. She made it very clear to me a few years ago that she did not want to be put on life support .............
I just received a phone call that mum has passed away...............gotta go

[The Bleeder]

My thoughts are with you

[Ironwood]

Sorry to hear the bad news GJ.

[tea lady]

She made it very clear to me a few years ago that she did not want to be put on life support .............
I just received a phone call that mum has passed away...............gotta goMy thoughts are with you John! All the best!

[Waldo]

My sincere condolences to you John and your family. :C

[Woodwould]

I'm so sorry for your loss John. My deepest sympathy to you and your family.

[rsser]

Ah mate, sorry to hear that.

FWIW your Mum had courage and decided she'd had enough. Right choice for her; still hard for you.

[dj_pnevans]

All the best John.
David

[Chesand]

Mourn your loss but treasure your memories.
Best wishes to you and your family

[Grumpy John]

Ah mate, sorry to hear that.

FWIW your Mum had courage and decided she'd had enough. Right choice for her; still hard for you.

Not really hard for me at all Ern, the state she was in was nothing like the woman I knew as I was growing up and it troubled me greatly to see her mind and body disintegrate the way it did the over the last few years.

[ian]

John

I know precisely how you feel.
I lost my mum 25 years ago. Remember to grieve.
Crying is also allowed.

[munruben]

Sorry to hear of your loss mate. May she rest in peace.

[Jim Carroll]

John our thoughts are with you and your family.

As you have indicated you have fond memories to keep with you in this time of loss

Regards Jim & Irene

[rsser]

No GJ, of course it's best that they're out of their misery and esp. if they make that choice themselves.

Yes though; it's still hard when they're finally gone.

Prob the best thing I did with my Dad was sit with him while he died of pneumonia. He was close to vegetable status and this was a family decision not to pump him full of antibiotics. It took him 36 hours to die though and I no longer think of as benign that simple phrase 'withdrawal of medical care'.

[Grumpy John]

Again, thank you all for you kind thoughts. The idea that total strangers take the time to express their sympathies restores some faith in the human race :2tsup:.

[wheelinround]

John sorry for your loss

I watched for 15 or so years my dad deteriorate with MS so many times he was rushed to hospital but pulled through from infections. At the age of 57 he passed away :C I still miss him.

[acmegridley]

Watched all 3 out of 4 parents and in laws die not avery nice position to be in,we were too late by 45 minutes for good old mother in law she was a beauty!
Mum went when I was 12 of breast cancer Dad of heart problems twenty yars ago,father in law of bowel cancer about 5 years ago.
Doesn't any body die of old age anymore?:C

[rsser]

They used to say that pneumonia is the old man's friend, cos typically that would be the straw that would ...

But these days it seems mostly it's an accumulation of body failures that leads to death.

[Bob38S]

John, words probably don't help too much at this stage, but, remember the good times - they are the ones which bring a smile or a laugh - these are the ones that are important and really count.

Regards,
Bob

[artme]

I'm sorry to hear that news John! Thoughts are with you.

[johnc]

Sorry to hear of your loss, 94 is a pretty good innings. No matter the age it always leaves a hole that can't be filled.

[graemet]

Sorry for your loss, John. My Mum decided at 92 that she had had enough, announced that she was going .....and did so. It was her decision, and both my brother and I accepted it, informed the nursing home and her doctor that her decision not to be rescusitated was to be respected. Geez I miss her, but it was right then and still is.
I hope I have the willpower to do the same when I'm just a brain in a worn-out shell.