You’re An EXTREME Redneck When

[Ian Smith]

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, “Hey, guys, watch this.”
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered day care.
10. You think the last words of the “Star-Spangled Banner” are “Gentlemen, start your engines.”
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12. The Halloween Pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16. You can’t get married to your sweetheart because there’s a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
Bonus Comment:
An East Texas couple, both real-life rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband “fixed”. The doctor asked them why, after nine children would they choose to do this. The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in North America was Mexican and they didn’t want a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.

[Grumpy John]

18. Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.
19. You walk your eight year old to school because you're both in the same grade.

[Bluegum]

20. When some one asks you for your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
21. If you front porch collapses and kills more than 4 dogs

[opelblues]

22. your know that your in a low crime rate area of the trailer park, when you trailer still has all its wheels

[Grumpy John]

23. You've been accused of lying through your tooth.
24. Someone says you have something stuck in your teeth, and you take them out to have a look.
25. When you take the dog for a walk and you both use the tree at the corner for a toilet.
26. When you wear a dress that's strapless with a bra that isn't.
27. If your wife has ever said, "come move this transmission so I can take a bath".
28. If your neighbours think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.

[Woodwould]

29. You smother your house (or 'trailer') in lights and garish decorations at Christmas.
30. You defend people who legitimise this form of graffiti in the name of charity.
31. As a traditional Christmas treat, you take your entire family for a drive to see all the decorated houses.
32. You think just because it's the Season of Goodwill that it's acceptable to wear a red bikini trimmed with white faux fur to the supermarket. (Hell, it's OK to do that all year round. Yee-ha!)
33. Your Christmas tree is a seven foot stack of empty beer cans.
34. Your letter to Santa requests a four-barrel Holley, new flanny shirts and a set of mud tyres.
35. You actually receive a bottle of Jim Beam from your twelve year old twins and gift voucher for The Mens Gallery from your mother.

[AlexS]

You people make it sound like these are all bad things.:oo:

[AUSSIE]

You people make it sound like these are all bad things.:oo:
arn't they?:badair::spider: OH thats a redback not a red neck

[rsser]

You prefer to sleep with your houndawgs cos they've got fewer fleas than the liddle lady.
The liddle lady ain't. (Ain't either matter of fact.)
Anyways, the dawgs twitchin tails keep the skeeters away.
You soak your teeth overnight only in the best sourmash - tastes a lot better than toothpaste.

[glock40sw]

Schit...My redneck is showing...I do all these :2tsup: :D

24. Someone says you have something stuck in your teeth, and you take them out to have a look.
29. You smother your house (or 'trailer') in lights and garish decorations at Christmas.
25. When you take the dog for a walk and you both use the tree at the corner for a toilet.

[rsser]

LOL, this is the best thread I've read in years :D

Glock, if you've got something to show off why not use the same tree as your dawg.

[Woodwould]

Schit...My redneck is showing...I do all these :2tsup: :D
29. You smother your house (or 'trailer') in lights and garish decorations at Christmas.

Ok, which is it; house or trailer?

[Sebastiaan56]

33. Your Christmas tree is a seven foot stack of empty beer cans.

Im OK, mine are all stubbies...

[glock40sw]

Ok, which is it; house or trailer?

House...The Trailer got loaned to my brother from another Mother. He has it covered in Christmas lights this year. He also has a Christmas tree that has VB cans hanging from it (Full ones) If he gets thirsty watching Jerry Springer, He just grabs a hot VB off the tree...:2tsup:

[glock40sw]

LOL, this is the best thread I've read in years :D

Glock, if you've got something to show off why not use the same tree as your dawg.

The Pole-Pizzer puts me to shame in that dept.:oo:

[rsser]

LOL.

....

The redneck flattens a fine looking slab by first slurping and then stomping.

[damian]

124425

[Sebastiaan56]

He just grabs a hot VB off the tree...

Called Kimberley cold, if you cant drink them you actually arent thirsty. About the only way to drink Emu Bitter

[Woodwould]

http://www.woodworkforums.com/attachments/f43/124425d1261023068-you-re-extreme-redneck-when-white.jpg
I see your mate has a stash of cans ready for building his Christmas tree.

[watson]

I know I live in the sticks near a small town, but there is a Christmas display in town made of beer cans....pics in the morning.

[damian]

He's not my mate, I'm not good looking enough to hang about with that type....:D

[AUSSIE]

Your house still has the"WIDE LOAD" sign on the back same on the Missus
Your Wife still has the"WIDE LOAD" sign on Her back
You got stopped by a Cop He asked you if you had an I.D.And you said, 'Bout What?'
Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction. :o
If you can burp and say your name at the same time, you're shur'nuff a redneck.
<table bgcolor="red" border="2" cellpadding="6"><tbody><tr><td align="middle">Your father executes the "pull my finger"
trick during Christmas dinner.

</td></tr></tbody></table>


<table bordercolordark="silver" bordercolorlight="silver" bgcolor="maroon" border="3" cellpadding="12" cellspacing="3"><tbody><tr><td>You believe dual air bags refer
to your wife and mother-in-law.

</td></tr></tbody></table>


Redneck Jokes (http://www.comedy-zone.net/jokes/laugh/rednecks/redneck7.htm)

[glock40sw]

Your father executes the "pull my finger"
trick during Christmas dinner.

I do that too...:2tsup:

All the kids love it..

[artme]

Your father executes the "pull my finger"
trick during Christmas dinner.

I do that too...:2tsup:

All the kids love it..

You obviously represent a sub species Glock.:q

[artme]

There are more beer cans on the ground next to your trailer than there are in it.

[AUSSIE]

GLOCK- do you park the car on the nature strip (vic name for what some others call a verge I think) because of too much broken glass and rubbish hiding in the long grass up your drive:D
Do the neighbours mention to you often about the smells coming from your place --and you think they are talking about the bosses fine cooking

[Woodwould]

GLOCK- do you park the car on the nature strip (vic name for what some others call a verge I think) because of too much broken glass and rubbish hiding in the long grass up your drive:D
Do the neighbours mention to you often about the smells coming from your place --and you think they are talking about the bosses fine cooking
In retrospect, his avatar is a bit of a give-away. He sounds like a gun-totin', corn-pipe-smokin', cousin-pokin', finger-pullin' kind of guy.

[glock40sw]

In retrospect, his avatar is a bit of a give-away. He sounds like a gun-totin', corn-pipe-smokin', cousin-pokin', finger-pullin' kind of guy.


You been spying over my fence, Woodwould???:oo:
And stop oggling my cousin Dorreen.:(( She's all mine....And my brothers...And grandpappy's.......and cousin Bob's too, even if she is his sister.:;

I gotta go load some ammo is case them thar city folk come sniffen around cousin Dorreen. Now where did I leave the banjo.:D

[watson]

As promised....a pic of the Avoca beer can decorations.
124478

[Grumpy John]

As promised....a pic of the Avoca beer can decorations.
124478

It's gotta be better than this :oo:.

124479

[Grumpy John]

You been spying over my fence, Woodwould???:oo:
And stop oggling my cousin Dorreen.:(( She's all mine....And my brothers...And grandpappy's.......and cousin Bob's too, even if she is his sister.:;

I gotta go load some ammo is case them thar city folk come sniffen around cousin Dorreen. Now where did I leave the banjo.:D

Reminds me of a bumper sticker I saw when I was in Texas a few years ago. It read "Keep honkin', I'm just reloadin''", of course it was on the back of a "pickup truck" complete with fully loaded rifle rack in the back window.

[AUSSIE]

Grumpy put this up pic
>I would change address if I lived near this.One of their customers may knock your door down looking for them.
.:minigun::death::spyme::fireworks:

We believe the guy too,Don't We????? Doesn't look like any low life lives there to me:oo::o
http://www.woodworkforums.com/attachments/f43/124479d1261093524t-you-re-extreme-redneck-when-meth_lab-small.jpg (http://www.woodworkforums.com/attachments/f43/124479d1261093524-you-re-extreme-redneck-when-meth_lab-small.jpg)

[RETIRED]

It's gotta be better than this :oo:.

124479
Your neighbour?:wink:

[Sebastiaan56]

As promised....a pic of the Avoca beer can decorations.
124478

wow, thats commitment! getting those kids to drink all those beers for him.....

[watson]

I reckon I took that about 10:15 this morning.
Notice the kids are still in their Jamies!

Probably getting over the hangover

[petersemple]

He's just doing his bit for the environment - Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. He's gone for the reuse one.

[watson]

One night I've gotta get a pic of how they light up.

[AlexS]

One night I've gotta get a pic of how they light up.

The drinks or the drinkers?